So, I turned 21 the other day. And yesterday, I decided to back off of the relationship I have found myself in. I guess I did so out of guilt. Because, damnit, I love Rob so much. I couldn't even take it to break it off with him completely. We're on a break, meanwhile, I'm having a full fledged relationship with someone else. How wrong is that?
This is what I mean when I say I don't like the person I've become. This isn't like me. I know, in my heart of hearts, that if Rob ever gets his crap together I will end up with him. Hell, I'm sometimes tempted to try to put all of his crap together for him. And that isn't fair to him, either. But I love him, so much, and it hurts me to see him this way.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Rantings of a weekend warrior...
Alas, I have returned to the blogging world. Yay for me.
It's not as if anyone actually reads this but me, so why not say what I feel.
I love Rob.
Even as I write this, I wonder why. As I watch the clock and wonder if it'll be 7 days since the last time he and I spoke, or if I'll get to talk to him at all this week. As I write these words, tears are welling up behind my eyes. Because, it's true, I do love him. But I don't know if that's enough anymore. I don't know if I can wait for days and days on end with no word from him, no word from anyone. I'm just so tired of being alone. I deserve to have someone who'll hold me. Who'll love me. Who'll be there for me. Who I can call, and cry with, and who I know is going to answer. Someone who doesn't ignore me at every turn. I need the man he used to be. Not the man he is now.
I can't write anymore...
It's not as if anyone actually reads this but me, so why not say what I feel.
I love Rob.
Even as I write this, I wonder why. As I watch the clock and wonder if it'll be 7 days since the last time he and I spoke, or if I'll get to talk to him at all this week. As I write these words, tears are welling up behind my eyes. Because, it's true, I do love him. But I don't know if that's enough anymore. I don't know if I can wait for days and days on end with no word from him, no word from anyone. I'm just so tired of being alone. I deserve to have someone who'll hold me. Who'll love me. Who'll be there for me. Who I can call, and cry with, and who I know is going to answer. Someone who doesn't ignore me at every turn. I need the man he used to be. Not the man he is now.
I can't write anymore...
Saturday, January 5, 2008
First Post
Well, this is my first post in this blog. I normally use my Myspace, but I can't post about religious things in there. So this is just going to be for me, really.
I am struggling with my spirituality. I think I have finally figured out where I stand. But now I am struggling for legiment ways to express it. I am a Celtic Witch. I follow the goddess Morrigan, and the god Dahgda. My main calling is a healer. I have a very strong connection to Brigid, but I don't feel like she is my patroness. It's sad really, because I think we would connect very well. But it isn't meant to be.
The boyfriend is a Druid. He walks a similar, but different path than I do. I lean more towards Celtic Recon but not quite there. I celebrate the 8 sabbats. Which were made popular by the neo-wiccan community. Perhaps I feel more accoustomed to them than to any others because when I first started exploring paganism I explored Wicca first. It didn't fit. Kemetic Recon didn't fit. But this.... it feels right.
Wish me luck!
I am struggling with my spirituality. I think I have finally figured out where I stand. But now I am struggling for legiment ways to express it. I am a Celtic Witch. I follow the goddess Morrigan, and the god Dahgda. My main calling is a healer. I have a very strong connection to Brigid, but I don't feel like she is my patroness. It's sad really, because I think we would connect very well. But it isn't meant to be.
The boyfriend is a Druid. He walks a similar, but different path than I do. I lean more towards Celtic Recon but not quite there. I celebrate the 8 sabbats. Which were made popular by the neo-wiccan community. Perhaps I feel more accoustomed to them than to any others because when I first started exploring paganism I explored Wicca first. It didn't fit. Kemetic Recon didn't fit. But this.... it feels right.
Wish me luck!
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